May 30, 2016

March + April 2016


When I look at these pictures, I just instantly feel that nausea in my stomach because that's how I felt during all of March and April. It was a crazy time because two of Steve's brothers got married 4 weeks apart! We traveled to San Antonio the end of March and then we drove to Utah the end of April. Both wedding were beautiful and I'm so happy for Steve's brothers and their brides but OH MY GOSH, it was such a stressful time for me. I do not function well when I feel like I'm going to throw up but I'm still expected to act like nothing's bothering me. I'm so happy that I'm no longer in my 1st trimester! And these are pretty much the only pictures I took. I have zero drive to take pictures, especially with my nice camera when I feel like a dead person. I'm just glad I have anything to show for that time haha! :)

May 23, 2016

Let's have another baby!


Well here I am. 17 weeks pregnant with our third child. I wanted to do some cute pregnancy announcement but when it came right down to it, I just didn't have the energy. So I just had Steve snap these pictures of me on our way out to the temple this past Saturday. (Long live iphone pictures!!) For the record, that dress makes my baby bump look way cuter than it actually is! I am so big this time around but the scariest part is that I truly don't care. I'm just so glad to not be feeling like a sick dead person anymore. My only ailment right now is that I just can't seem to get enough sleep! I am almost always exhausted and it's getting old! I'll take exhaustion over the nausea though, any day.

Our baby is due the end of October. Right around my birthday actually! October 30th is the official due date. I wouldn't mind if we actually shared a birthday because that would mean that my baby would come two days early! Every pregnant girl's dream!! It probably won't happen though. My babies do not come early. I'll be lucky if this baby actually has an October birthday and not a November one.

I just started feeling the baby move inside me and I'm as giddy about it as the first time I was pregnant :)The one and only good thing about pregnancy. LOL. Along with the amazing thick hair. Everything else I can do without. Like the heart burn and the swelling and the weird pain I get in my face when I put water on my face. (!!) Seriously weird stuff. But yes, that weird symptom is back just like my other two pregnancies.

I've been giving this calling of motherhood a lot of thought lately. Like, wow! It is so hard! It's wonderful and fulfilling but so hard at the same time! How do people have lots of children?? And how do they have their children so close together?? I can't even THINK about having another child until my baby turns two. Like, not even a thought. It probably has to do with the fact that I nursed both my boys until they were 20 months old. It just happened that way. They weren't ready to be done until 20 months. So for four months after that, I have my body completely to myself! No pregnant body, no nursing and at that point my hair isn't falling out anymore. For four months I can feel like myself! Like a normal person! And then when my baby turns two, I start thinking about another one, and a couple months later, I'm pregnant again and feel like puking 24/7 for the next sixteen weeks.

So, when I think about it like this, I think it is truly amazing how people have their children so close together! Hats of to them! Kudos to you! I'm just not cut out for it, I guess. I just keep thinking about how women and mothers are amazing. We go through nine months of discomfort and no one really talks about how awful it really is. And then we do it over and over and over again. We don't really get enough credit do we?? And on top of it, we need to make sure our older children are taken care of and that they're well behaved and that they don't watch too much tv and that the house stays clean and that dinner's on the table and that we don't neglect our friends and that we fulfill our church responsibilities and that we put make up on so we look decent. All while feeling like throwing up all the time! It all just overwhelms me. But somehow it's been done since the beginning of time. So moms, you are simply amazing. I hope to measure up, especially since I'm now going to have three. ♥♥♥

I find out on June 15th what I'm having!!!! Can't wait!!!

May 9, 2016

Happy Mother's Day!

^^I told them I wanted a "snuggle picture." I think they loved it as much as me!
^^Cheesy smiles all around!! At least I know where they get it from ;)^^UntitledUntitledUntitledUntitled
^^I'm all heart eyes for these flowers Steve picked out for me! ♥♥♥^^

If only these pictures were what our life looked like the majority of the time! Ha! Not even close. But on Mother's Day I force them to take a picture with me. It was their present to me this year :) Along with Cole surprising me by taking a Sunday nap. (He NEVER takes naps anymore!) And lying down with Logan for his nap was pure heaven. I do it almost every day these days and it's my favorite part of the day haha.

Life is hard and life is exhausting but life is also good. Being a mom is so hard but the most rewarding and so it's worth it. There's nothing else I would rather be doing, as hard as it is. I hope they know how much I love them, imperfect as I am.

And a big shout out to my mom. I have no idea how she had seven kids because sometimes I feel like I'm barely keeping up head above water with two! She truly is amazing and I love her for all she has done for me and now for my own kids. Mothers are amazing!

February 17, 2016

♥H a p p y F e b r u a r y♥


I'm not going to lie, I feel like we have been hibernating this month. It's not freezing cold anymore, but now that the snow has melted, it's left the world looking a little bland. A trip to Hawaii right about now would be nice, but that's obviously not happening. ;)

When the sun showed its face after days and days of rainy, gloomy weather, we couldn't not go outside! We soaked in every ray of sunshine that we could before the sun dipped behind the mountains. This is our third winter here but this is the first winter where I feel like it's actually getting to me a little bit. I don't remember feeling this way before. I just feel a little cooped up!

I am trying to make the best of it and celebrating Valentine's Day definitely helped. We didn't do anything all to special on our own, but our ward hosted their second annual Valentine's Dance and they went ALL OUT! (That's where our cheesy heart balloon pictures are from:) It was like a mini wedding honestly; it was super nice with amazing decorations, Italian cream sodas and the most delicious variety of desserts :) And we actually danced! We're not very good dancers but it was still super fun!

Steve and I weren't sneaky at all with the gifts we got each other-- we were just at Walmart doing a family shopping trip and Steve picked out new white sheets for our bed and I picked out some pretty Vera Wang perfume that I looooove! And we got a new bed spread too! The one that Logan is on in that last picture. So, really it's the little things that are getting us through the gloominess. I really don't have anything to complain about but I'm ready for the sun to come out and stay out!

Happy half way through February!

January 27, 2016

*Sun + Snow*


Honestly, I'm a little sick of the cold, but now that the snow has completely melted, I just feel like the cold is totally pointless. I'm hoping it snows at least one more time for this little boy's sake. We want to make a snowman, have a snow ball fight and go sledding at least one more time! We need to put that sled that Santa got us to more use!!

(*These pictures are from the beginning of this month.)

January 19, 2016

Nicholas Stephen at FIVE years old.


On 12/20/2015 this beautiful boy turned five years old. Sometimes five years seems like such a long time and sometimes it doesn't. It's crazy how much a kid can grow and change and mature in a short five years. But on the flip side, I can hardly remember my life without him and so it seems longer. What did I do with my time before I had this little boy? Because he is everything to me (along with his little brother) and I love him so much.

I'm also so proud of him. He's been five for almost an entire month now and I have to admit that I can seriously notice a difference between four and five! I feel like in the past month we've been in a better groove, as far as my parenting goes. Fewer fights, fewer tantrums. Honestly, I am just so in awe of Cole. How did he come from me?! We are so very different in so many ways, but at the core of it, our personalities are just opposite. Sometimes I like to picture what I was like as a five year old little girl and I know I was nothing like him. I was quiet and shy and soft spoken. Cole is so much like his dad: loud, confident, smart, knows exactly what he wants. He always has new ideas of things he wants to try out and he frequently tells me what his plans for the day are. I don't mind spending a quiet day at home sometimes-- but not Cole. He always wants to be out and doing something. Or playing with friends. Or at least having friends over.

We put him in Parkour a few months ago, instead of gymnastics because it seemed like a better fit. And it's been perfect for him! It's only once a week for 50 minutes but it's probably the happiest 50 minutes of his life! Haha. I love watching him because he always has a huge smile on his face and just bounces around happily the whole time. I love seeing him thrive in it.

He also started  a co-op preschool in September and he loves it! He doesn't always love doing all the crafts and he'd rather just play with his friends the whole time but it's been something that he looks forward to every week. I wish he could do it three times a week but I guess once a week will have to do :) In 8 short months he will start Kindergarten! Like, the real deal, get on a yellow school bus, gone for most the day kind of Kindergarten! It makes me excited and nervous. I think he'll love it, but still, I hope it all goes well for him.

After reading some parenting books (because geez, parenting is hard!) I've finally been able to figure out that when Cole and I butt heads, it's because of this difference in personality that we have. I am very protective and I'm such a worrier! But Cole gets frustrated with me because he feels like I'm holding him back. I'm not trying to, I just have issues with taking unnecessary risks. He just wants to explore the world and I just want to keep him safe. A conflict in interests is what it really boils down to. Sometimes when I watch him at the playground, I like to see if he ever looks around to see where I am after he's been playing for a while. I seriously think I could just leave him there for hours and he would never notice! (Obviously, I would never do that.) But it's interesting, isn't it? He never looks up to see if I'm watching or to make sure I'm still there. He just makes friends and plays with them and is in his own little world for hours at a time.

One of Cole's greatest qualities is that he is very tender hearted. He loooooves his baby brother and yes, he still calls him that: his baby brother. I think it is the cutest thing and I especially love how Cole always, without fail, stands up for his brother on the playground. When Cole meets new kids, he almost immediately introduces Logan to them and proudly says "This is my baby brother Logan!" All while patting Logan on the head. He's got that big brother protectiveness going on and it makes me so incredibly proud. I don't think I taught him that, he's just always been that way. (They get in their fights too, but mostly Cole takes such great care of Logan.)

A few months ago I put on the movie 17 Miracles since it seemed like an appropriate Sunday movie. It was the first time Cole had seen it and you'll know what I mean when I say it's a tear jerker if you've ever seen the movie. Scene after scene after scene you basically want to sob through the whole thing. We had almost watched the whole movie and then one of the last scenes is of this woman and the man she loves huddled in a blizzard underneath their handcart, freezing to death. When the woman realizes that her husband is dead she starts sobbing for him and it was in the moment that Cole looks at me and Steve with tears streaming down his face and says to me almost angrily "Mom, where did you find this show????" I was crying myself (I secretly hate that movie) but when Cole said this to me I couldn't help but laugh! He was so distraught though. Poor kid. He's at that age where he can actually understand what it means when someone dies and his tender heart couldn't handle it. Neither could mine.

Lately, in the mornings, Cole and Logan have been waking up between 5 and 5:30 which really is just madness and I think to myself every morning whyyyyyyyy but what it comes down to is that my boys just don't need that much sleep??? Seriously bad luck on my part but what do you do..... So, they wake up super early in the morning and now they don't even come in my room and wake me up anymore!! Cole gets the both of them breakfast and they play together until Steve and I wake up. This is craziness right? I don't know what to do about it. They are independent souls (who hate sleep) but especially Cole since he is older.

Luckily, Cole has a great sense of direction. It's not perfect like mine (haha kidding! But mine is pretty good ;) but his is still good and I think he'll be great at directions when he's all grown up. He's disappeared on me a handful of times and if he didn't have a good sense of direction, I don't know if he would have found his way back. Still to this day I don't even know where he went one time when he disappeared. He left out the back door when I was in the other room and he did it so quietly; I didn't even notice he was gone until it had already been 10 minutes!! But about five to ten minutes after I noticed that he was gone and I was frantically looking for him outside, he came prancing around the corner of a house, on his way home. He heard the mowers outside mowing the lawn and cutting the bushes and wanted to check them out but I still don't even know how far he got. Scary stuff. I hate thinking about it but I owe his great sense of direction for getting him home that day.

His latest disappearance happened in October. It was Sunday evening and we were coming home from Steve's parents house. I had dropped Steve off to go home teaching and as I pulled into the driveway, I parked there, opened the garage and told Cole that I was going to pull out the trash can since the next day was garbage day. Logan was asleep but Cole was still awake and I didn't think anything of leaving them in there while I got the trashcan which took me all of 60 seconds! After pulling it out, I got back in the car and drove it into the garage, and then proceeded to unload. Cole normally gets himself out and as I opened the back door to get Logan out I realized Cole wasn't there! I was so confused! I thought maybe he was hiding in the trunk but when I looked he wasn't there! Then I thought maybe he had run into the house before I had driven the car into the garage and I just hadn't noticed, but when I opened the door to the house, everything was completely dark so I knew he wasn't in there. I started seriously panicking. Where could he possibly be??? It had taken me tops 2 minutes to pull out the trashcan, where could he have gone in that short of time?? Then I started wondering if I had run him over without realizing when I drove the car into the garage?! So I got on my hands and knees and looked under the car. I was so scared to even look. I really thought I might have. He wasn't under there, thank heavens. And before I could worry much longer than that, my neighbors were suddenly right there in my driveway with Cole. They were in their pajamas because it was pretty late. He had hopped out of the car while I was taking the trashcan out and he had done it oh so quietly. And oh so quickly!! Our neighbors had put up this huge fake spider in their front window for Halloween and Cole wanted to check it out. They told me that he came and knocked on their front window. When they asked him if his mommy knew where he was he said "No, but I know where she is." !!!! I seriously just about had a heart attack but I was so grateful to them for bringing him back so quickly. I pretty much lost it after that and he got in big trouble and went straight to bed. I just felt like I had no control over him! Like he would just disappear at any given moment and it freaked me out!!! I don't think he'll do anything like that again any time soon (because he hasn't) and because he got in so much trouble. It still blows my mind that he was able to get out of the car so quickly and so quietly. I never heard a thing and that's what freaked me out the most.

I've come to realize that this quality of his-- of knowing what he wants and being independent and going out and getting what he wants-- it's an amazing quality and will serve him very well when he's older. Those are qualities that I'm still trying to develop in myself and that's why I say I am so in awe of him. That's why I wonder how did he come from me?? But I absolutely love the little person he is. I'm so so so proud of him and I know that great things are in store for him. He can be everything that I'm not and it makes me feel like I'll leave the world a better place by bringing him to this world. I hope he always knows how proud I am of him and how much I love him. He is truly amazing, just like his dad.

Happy five years, Nicholas Stephen. I love being your mama. ♥

January 12, 2016

Christmas morning 2 0 1 5 // a little video

You never know which present is going to be their favorite. We thought for sure it would be the teepee that Steve designed and made (and that I helped out with a little bit.) They liked it, but if you watch this whole video you'll see that Logan's favorite gift was that dang Spiderman toothbrush and Cole's was probably his Spiderman goggles. HAHA. It's the simple things, isn't it? ;)

January 6, 2016

In the Bleak Midwinter


Just to give you an idea of how cold it got New Year's week. I think it got down to as low as negative 5 degrees Fahrenheit! All of these pictures were taken either from my back window or in the backyard. It didn't slow Cole down though. The cold does not seem to affect him; he just loves playing in it :)